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The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of 
Tonya News returns

November 12, 1997 Edition 
(C) 1997 Portland Ice Skating Society
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The Portland Ice Skating Society announces that we have now completed our move 
down to Christchurch, New Zealand and are back on line. We hope to be fully 
operational in a couple of weeks following the installation of new computer 
equipment, but in the meantime, we present a special issue to celebrate Tonya's 
birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONYA

Today Tonya celebrates her 27th birthday. (Do NOT be fooled by some sources that 
list it as the 16th - these are the work of one Charles "Chuckie" Newman, a well 
known skating "fan" whose idea of "fun" is spreading disinformation about famous 
skaters nationalities & birthdays). It's been an eventful year for Tonya; first 
she got kidnapped by a "bushy haired man", followed that up with a successful 
pro debut in front of a packed auditorium of 4500 fans in Reno, Nevada, fired 
her agent, David Hans Schmidt, whom she accused of schwindling her, (but appears 
to have reunited with him, more's the pity), and just recently had her truck 
stolen.


TONYA'S TRUCK RIPPED OFF (AGAIN)

Tonya's much beloved 1996 Ford F250 pickup truck was recently stolen from a 
parking lot in Vancouver, Washington (where Tonya now lives). This is the second 
time this has happened apparently; Tonya had her previous truck stolen in 1993. 
Some people have suggested it might have just been reposessed. We'll keep you 
posted as we hear more details.

Tonya has been continually beset by crime over the years; in 1993 she also had a 
large number of skating costumes stolen.


SCHMIDT PROMISES MAJOR TONYA EVENT

 "All I can comment on is we're negotiating with a major network in regard to 
her skating," he said.

Schmidt said Harding is not available for interviews.
 
"We're hoping to close (the network deal) and have a big announcement," he said. 
"It should have been closed a while back. They have been protracted 
negotiations. Our hearts remain hopeful we'll close soon and have a big 
announcement for all of you and that is all I can tell you."


WEB SITE NEWS

There have been several developments to the three Web sites in the time we've 
been off line. Jim Maxey has upgraded the server that his site runs on. In fact, 
Maxey's site was briefly mentioned on CNET a couple of months ago. Meanwhile, 
both Dave House and Puppetboy have moved their sites - the new URL's are at the 
bottom of this edition. Puppetboy is looking at starting up another Tonya fan 
club to replace the now defunct one run by Elaine Stamm in Portland.

And the "Portlandian's" parent organization, the Portland Ice Skating Society, 
is also working on it's own site, which we hope to have up and running in time 
for the Nagano Winter Olympics. Watch this space!


TONYA ACCLAIMED AS ROLE MODEL

According to Don Lane, recently the trash tabloid TV show "Inside Edition" 
reported the results of a survey which showed Tonya to be one of the most 
admired women in America amongst young women. Others also highly rated were Joan 
Jett, Jewel and the Spice Girls. In fact, I've often thought Tonya should 
actually join the Spice Girls; (perhaps she could be Icy Spice). After all, 
Tonya was the original promotor of "Girl Power" on ice, and like the Spice Girls 
she can't sing either.


TONYA MAKES FRONT PAGE OF NEW ZEALAND NEWSPAPER

We've been doing some research here, going through microfilms of old newspapers 
checking on local coverage of the unfortunate events at the 1994 US Nationals. 
This has disclosed that Tonya had the singular honor of making the front page of 
the Christchurch "Press" TWICE during January 1994, probably something I suspect 
has never been accorded to any other skater, even if it was under somewhat less 
than ideal circumstances. This just confirms that this great city is the world 
leader in Tonya coverage.


TONYA AND PRINCESS DI - THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE

Obviously one of the biggest stories that has occurred during our absence has 
been the untimely death of Diana, Princess of Wales. Inevitably, the nature of 
her death raises many unanswered questions and has spawned a number of 
conspiracy theories suggesting that the accident that claimed her life was in 
fact no accident at all. We have not been idle during our time off line - we 
have been vigorously investigating this case and can now state with confidence 
that we have uncovered evidence that PROVES beyond all doubt that Diana was in 
fact knocked off by a conspiracy between the Royal Family and the United States 
Figure Skating Association.

Investigations by a team of undercover reporters here at the Portlandian have 
disclosed that Tonya was in fact giving Di skating lessons. Di was getting quite 
good at it too; so good that she was planning to make her public skating debut 
on the ice at the Clackamas Town Center Mall skating with Tonya to the music of 
"God Save The Queen" by the Sex Pistols. Needless to say, both the USFSA and the 
Royal establishment realized this would be a huge embarrassment to both of them 
and decided to do something about it. First they sent an agent to try to kidnap 
Tonya but he bungled the job (perhaps they should have left it to the 
professionals at the World Bodyguard Service), so they then decided the best 
course of action was to dipose of Di, who had been a thorn in the Royal side for 
years.

If anyone doubts this is the case, answer this: Princess Di dies after the car 
she is traveling in, a Mercedes, skates off the road in the hands of a speeding, 
drunk driver. Several months earlier, Oksana Baiul skates of the road in a 
Mercedes, whilst speeding and drunk. Same type of car, same factors of speed and 
drinking involved. CAN ANY INTELLIGENT PERSON SERIOUSLY BELIEVE THIS IS JUST 
COINCIDENCE??? 

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VISIT THESE GREAT TONYA WEB SITES:
Jim Maxey - http://www.tonyaharding.com
Dave House - http://www.davidhouse.com/tonya/index.html
Puppetboy - http://pages.ripco.com:8080/~deadboy/mirrortony2.html
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