TTTTT H H EEEEE
T H H E
T HHHHH EEEEE
T H H E
T H H EEEEE
PPPP OOOO RRRR TTTTT L A N N DDDD I A N N TM
P P O O R R T L A A NN N D D I A A NN N
PPPP O O RRRR T L AAAAA N N N D D I AAAAA N N N
P O O R R T L A A N NN D D I A A N NN
P OOOO R R T LLLLL A A N N DDDD I A A N N
The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News
November 12, 2019 Edition - ANNUAL TONYA BIRTHDAY EDITION
(C) 2019 Portland Ice Skating Society
Welcome to the annual birthday issue of "The Portlandian" for
2019. Tonya turns 49 today, and we hope it's the start of another
great year for her.
We've got plenty to read and look at, with new Instagram posts
from Tonya, a birthday cake (of the virtual kind), the Penguin
finally revealed, some Tonya lookalikes, some triple axels (both
real and artistic) and we finish off by doing some in-depth
research in order to settle a question which has vexed
Tonyaphiles for over two years - namely, exactly how much
swearing is in "I, Tonya"?
MAJOR RECOVERY OF TONYA-RELATED HISTORICAL MATERIAL
But first an announcement: we are pleased to bring you news of a
major recovery of important Tonya-related historical material
that we have brought about with the help of a long-time
Tonyaphile in Georgia.
We were actually hoping to have some of this on-line in time for
Tonya's birthday today, but alas the scanning and restoration
process is taking a little longer than expected. While as our
initial scans of this material would have been adequate, our
philosophy is that "adequate" isn't good enough for Tonya and we
thought we could do better. We believe that only the very best is
good enough for Tonya since she's had to put up with being
treated as third-rate crap for so much of her life, so we decided
to redo the whole lot on another, better-quality scanner, even
though it meant a delay.
However, we're sure you'll think it's worth it when you see the
results, which we hope to unveil in a few days.
NEW INSTAGRAM POSTS FROM TONYA
Tonya has posted a couple of new Instagram messages over the past
few days. The first is nothing fancy, just Tonya in her jammies
and slippers, but Tonya proves that she can rock even those items
#AsSheIs. I have a love/hate relationship with the whole
Instagram vs reality thing. We all want to show the best
versions of ourselves, myself included, but sometimes there
are good days and bad days. Days we donít feel or look our
best. And days where we feel like itís all falling apart
behind the scenes when life gets hard. I get insecure about my
looks and know when I put myself out there, there will be love
from those in my corner and comments from the haters. But, I
feel the best Iíve felt in years, insecurities and all, so
here I am. I now nominate two badass females to continue this
challenge, @allmoxie and @theemmaslater.
Nov 7 2019.
Then a couple of days ago, Tonya uploaded another Instagram post,
this time of herself at her birthday party. But don't worry, you
haven't missed her birthday (which is the 12th) - it was a
slightly early pre-birthday party!
However, it appears that shortly afterwards Tonya's account
suffered a hacking attempt - somebody has gone in and replaced
her photo with a picture of some glamorous blonde supermodel. I
wonder who she is?
A CAKE FOR TONYA
Meanwhile, as in previous years we've prepared our own cake for
Tonya - and this year we've upgraded the doll to an Ice Skater
Barbie thanks to a generous donation by a fan here in New
Zealand. Although it doesn't look much like Tonya it does bear
quite a strong resemblance to Margot, who is signed up to do a
Barbie movie, so maybe that just proves that Tonya and Margot
were destined by fate to be connected:
THE PENGUIN SKATES OFF
In our last edition we discussed a rumor that had been
circulating that Tonya might be the Penguin on the Fox show "The
The Penguin has now been unmasked, and surprise, surprise, it
wasn't Tonya. As predicted by many, it was Sherri Shepherd of
"The View". This was not a big surprise, as only one of the
clues, "a career on ice", could be taken as possibly referring to
a skater, and even then only if you interpret it literally.
Others could have applied to Tonya but also to lots of other
people, and some didn't seem to fit Tonya at all. Plus, the Egg
character had already been revealed earlier to be Johnny Weir,
and it was probably unlikely that they would have had two skaters
on one show.
Still, the idea of Tonya appearing on this show in the future is
certainly appealing - it's a show which is definitely a cut above
alot of the stuff on TV these days. Perhaps now that the idea has
been floated, the producers might decide to follow suit?
Last year saw Tonya as one of the top Halloween costumes, and
we're pleased to say that this has continued to be the case this
time around. We've selected some of the best from those out
First up, a woman who literally is an "I, Tonya" - Tonya Geesman
of Chicago. She's probably not the first real Tonya to dress up
as our Tonya over all these years, but she's the first we've been
She says; "I love Halloween!! We raided my arsenal of costumes &
I outfitted our entire crew yesterday ???? The best part of the
night was everyone yelling... 'TONYA!' & I knew it was me".
Several more Tonya mini-mes have also surfaced this year:
stokedhappyfolk - MiniTonya & Angus Young of AC/DC - this one
was liked by the real Tonya:
Tina Moir - Kids as Tonya & Nancy:
MiniTonya (accompanied by a MiniNancy) in Layfayette Village,
Yes, I know she's got a club, and we don't like those ones,
but she's too cute to leave out.
Corrine from Melbourne Australia is back, this time with a
Tonya's mother LaVona continues to inspire:
Kayla Schmidt - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4a4DdfArnJ/
Nicolespringersings, Kansas City KS:
lemmdoublem, San Francisco CA:
Some have gone for a threesome of Tonya, Jeff & Nancy:
jessolexa, Chicago - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4TIYgCF37C/
zach_kacz_92 - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4SeRtEFMmY/
Portland locals continue to be entranced by their hometown
Julia Ludington: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XiTsDlkV7/
A couple have drawn inspiration from Tonya's triple axel costume:
Andrew Alcott of Albertville, France, has recreated Tonya's
iconic outfit from her 1992 Olympics Short Program:
Ahoy me hearties! Our skating pair hanging out with Captain
Haddock from Tintin in Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada:
Continuing with the nautical theme, pool.fantasea has some
underwater Tonyas doing triple axels:
Chandler Reeves: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4U7JRZp9ja/
Beth DeWalt: https://www.instagram.com/p/B4Yk8cxF1uN/
John Behlmann - see the last frame:
And finally, something you don't see everyday - Tonya & Nancy
thingswendysees - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4EPMWZgxXr/
A TRIPLE AXEL TORRENT?
Young You of South Korea has become the latest woman to land a
triple axel in competition, after she successfully did so in her
Short Program at Skate Canada in Kelowna BC, last month:
It's actually surprisingly difficult to get an authoritative list
of who has achived this feat - as best we can tell, there are 17
so far, along with their date of initially doing so:
1. Midori Ito, Japan - Aichi Prefecture Regionals, Japan,
2. Tonya Harding, USA - US Nationals, Minneapolis, MN, February
3. Ludmila Nelidina, Russia - Skate America, Spokane, WA,
4. Yukari Nakano, Japan - Skate America, Spokane, WA, October
5. Aki Sawada, Japan - details uncertain, but her ISU bio says
she has landed them in domestic comp. circa 2004.
6. Mao Asada, Japan - ISU Junior GP Final, Helsinki, Finland,
7. Kimmie Meissner, USA - US Nationals, Portland, OR, January
8. Elizaveta Tuktamysheva, Russia - World Champs, Shanghai,
China, March 2015*
9. Rika Kihira, Japan - Junior GP, Ljubljana, Slovenia,
10. Mirai Nagasu, USA - Intl FS Classic, Salt Lake City, UT,
11. Hana Yoshida, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Shiga, Japan, August
12. Alysa Liu, USA - Asian Open Trophy, Bangkok, Thailand, August
13. Ayaka Hosada, Japan - Japan Nationals, Osaka, December 2018*
14. Kinayu Yokoi, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Japan, August 2019
15. Sofia Akatieva, Russia - Moscow open, September 2019
16. Alena Kostornaia, Russia - Finlandia Trophy, Espoo, Finland,
17. Young You, South Korea - Skate Canada, Kelowna, BC, October
* has also landed it in international competition.
It doesn't take a genius to see that these are now becoming more
common - it was over 11 years after Tonya landed hers before her
feat was repeated, and another ten between Kimmie Meissner's at
the US Nationals in 2005 and Elizaveta Tuktamysheva's in 2015.
However, since 2015 there has been a new lady added to the triple
axel club every year, and four so far this season, which has
Which raises the obvious question - have we now reached the
tipping point when it comes to ladies' triple axels? Are we now
on the verge of the jump becoming mainstream in top-level ladies
competition? In ten years time will a triple axel be regarded as
a standard jump for top-level ladies in the same way as it now is
for men? Either way, we still think that Tonya's and Midori's are
And remember - South Korea may now have the triple axel, but
North Korea still has the Iron Lotus!
TONYA FAN ART ROUNDUP
And now for another regular feature, our roundup of Tonya-
inspired fan art. Although the pace has slowed down over recent
months, Tonya continues to be a creative muse for many out there:
Sofia Inglese of Buenos Aires, Argentina, has done a Tonya-themed
photoshoot including recreating Tonya's press conference:
Amy Devlin (amyartworks2) - U of Ulster, Belfast, Ulster
_korgg_ - https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx0UclVlOHc/
entertainmeweakly - "Mommy's Lil Monster" - another Tonya/Harley
i_beat-meryl - origami ice-skates, with gold blades:
A few triple axel drawings:
(selin ansoy) nilesyosira:
Lientang Felicia (Blackrabbid) "Fire on Ice":
tsarinasofia - a cartoon of Tonya at Albertville:
Natalie (Mounteerie) - you're all my attackers, too.
A rarity here - a drawing of modern-day Tonya, apparently based
on her appearance at the Golden Globes:
Elles - https://www.instagram.com/p/B1hDrY1BdwD/
"I, TONYA" - THE F---ING TRUTH
"I, Tonya" is mostly an accurate portrayal of Tonya's life story.
But there are several areas in which it does deviate somewhat
from reality, and perhaps the most notable of these is in its
depiction of Tonya as a potty mouth. Indeed, one of its most
famous scenes, where Tonya approaches a skating judge and tells
her to do something anatomically impossible never happened in
real life, at least not in that way.
"Trust me, I donít say the word (expletive) 120 times a day,"
Tonya said in a New York Times article. "That might come out once
in a while when something really bad happens or I hurt myself. I
mean, the movie portrayed me as this person who cussed every 10
seconds and I donít cuss like that."
"Thatís my fault" says Margot. "I swear so much when I act. I get
caught up in the moment. Itís a terrible habit. I did apologise
to her about the swearing".
So how much swearing is in "I, Tonya" compared to other movies?
Turns out, not as much as you'd think.
"Slap Shot" was a 1977 comedy about an ice hockey team, starring
Paul Newman. At the time it was considered extremely profane,
with a whole 61 f-words, a c-word, and a cs-word. "I, Tonya",
about the genteel sport of ladies figure skating, blows "Slap
Shot" into the weeds with more than double the amount of f-words
(over 120) and 3 c-words. But it's still pretty tame compared to
alot of modern fare.
What film has the most f-words? If you exclude porn, and a couple
of films ABOUT swearing, which don't really count, that rather
dubious honor goes to another Margot Robbie film, "The Wolf of
Wall Street" from 2013, which at over 500 makes "I, Tonya" look
like a Sonja Henie musical. Of those, 36 are uttered by Margot's
character, so she certainly had plenty of practice to warm up for
Precisely how many f-words are in "Wolf of Wall Street" is a bone
of contention, however - you'd think that counting swearwords
would be a simple task, but it's not as easy as it appears,
because of people slurring and mumbling their words and sometimes
swearing over the top of other people who are also swearing.
Plus, many early counts were from viewings in a cinema where you
can't rewind to double-check. Guinness says 506 or 2.81 f-
words/min - but they appear to be just citing an article by
screenit.com which says "at least 506 f-words", and contrary to
what you'd expect from Guinness, they don't seem to have bothered
to check themselves. A writer at Slate counted 544, while another
at Vulture claims 569. But whichever figure you choose, it still
far exceeds the earlier Scorsese film "Casino", which has 422.
Amongst other infamously sweary movies, "Reservoir Dogs" has only
half as many at 269, "Scarface" 207, and "Bad Santa" a mere 173.
Which brings us back to "I, Tonya" - and the main question:
EXACTLY how many f-words does it contain? Merely doing a search
on a PDF of Steven Rogers' script isn't enough, as the finished
film obviously contains a considerable amount of improvisation.
Online sources we consulted were wildly inconsistent:
- https://kids-in-mind.com/i/itonya.htm - claims "about" 123
- https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5580036/parentalguide - says
"f--k" is said about 120 times;
- https://www.pluggedin.com/movie-reviews/i-tonya/ - says "about
130 f-words, 25 s-words and three uses of the c-word."
- says "f-words (130+), s-words (35+)".
- The Brisbane Courier Mail estimates about 180 swearwords of all
types, averaging around 1.5/minute. Of these Margot has 83 f-
words and 103 swearwords overall.
As the Internet's leading Tonya authority, we know that there are
far too many "alternative facts" about her going around and felt
it was important to get this one right. We realized that there
was only one way to find out for sure - sit down and watch the
movie, and count 'em ourselves. And in the interest of Tonya
accuracy, that's exactly what we did - from the first one at
3:29, to the last line of the movie at 1:51:42.
But first, some methodology: we confined our count to the most
severe swear words - we haven't counted words like "hell",
"damn" etc. as swearwords because apart from a few religious
people most others don't really see these as real swear words
We left out watered-down equivalents like "a-hole", "frigging"
and "effing" in the count. We also haven't distinguished between
the use of an f-word in a sexual sense ("You two f--k yet?") and
non-sexual ("they broke her f--king knee") - apparently the MPAA
allows you to have one of the latter and still retain a PG-13
rating. Not that that's relevant in the case of "I, Tonya".
Finally, in order to count a word had to be clearly and
unambiguously articulated in a manner that an average audience
member with good hearing could understand it. If the only way a
word can be recognized is to spend 8 hours playing with a 48-band
graphic equalizer, that's too obscure. For this reason we've left
out a couple of possible f-words that may have been uttered by
LaVona when she is thrown out of Tonya's house for wearing a
wire, as they just weren't clear enough to be certain.
And our result was: a grand total of 129 f-words, of which 72
come from Tonya, 28 from Jeff, 24 from LaVona, and 5 from other
characters. There's also 27 s-words and 4-bs words, 3 c-words, 6
a-words, 1 d-word, 3 b-words, one derogatory term for a butch
lesbian ("bull-dyke") and one use of the word "cr-p".
And as for that scene with the skating judge? The way it actually
happened was like this: "I did not go to the judges on the ice
and talk to them like that in front of everyone. When I spoke to
the judges they were in the back hallway room telling me you need
to have better dresses. I go, ĎWell if you can find me $5000 to
make me a dress then Iíll wear it and I wonít have to sew these
anymore.í I go, ĎYou know what? Out of my face!í"
And so the curtain comes down on another birthday issue. We hope
that Tonya and her family have a great day!
VISIT THESE GREAT TONYA WEB SITES:
PortIce - http://www.pdxiss.org
David House - http://www.tonyaharding.org
Charlie Main - http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/tonya.html
Puppetboy - http://www.usapaul.net/tonya/
Valerie Smith - http://www.olywa.net/radu/valerie/LilHam.html
Swan Lake - http://members.tripod.com/~TonyaHarding/index.html
Blades of Gold - http://members.tripod.com/tmhfan/index.html
Back to Portlandian index
Back to PortIce Home Page