TTTTT H   H  EEEEE
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  T   H   H  E
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PPPP   OOOO  RRRR  TTTTT L       A   N   N DDDD  I   A   N   N TM
P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
PPPP  O    O RRRR    T   L     AAAAA N N N D   D I AAAAA N N N
P     O    O R   R   T   L     A   A N  NN D   D I A   A N  NN
P      OOOO  R   R   T   LLLLL A   A N   N DDDD  I A   A N   N

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The Internet's unofficial fanzine for those who want to keep up
with the Hardings

May 12, 1997 Edition - 
(C) 1997 Portland Ice Skating Society
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CORRECTION TO LAST ISSUE

We have a bumper issue for you here today, but first we have a
couple of corrections to our previous issue. Firstly, there was
an error in the URL of the "Puppetboy" Tonya site that we wrote
about in our last issue - it's actually
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/1711/tonya2.html - (that's
"Athens/Forum" not "Colosseum" - well hey, they're both about old
geezers standing round in togas, right? So it was an easy mistake
to make. Close enough for government work). Since we reported on
this site he's actually given it an upgrade; as with Jim Maxey's
site there is now a space to leave comments, and a photo of
Tonya, as well as a long article about the outrageous legal
powers of the USOC, so it's well worth the visit.

And secondly, sad to say it appears that contrary to what was
stated in our last issue, Tonya will NOT be able to own a gun
after all. As a convicted felon this is a no-no, it seems. (But
don't worry, Oksana Baiul is still allowed to drive a car...).
 

TONYA ARTICLE IN "WOMEN|SPORT" MAGAZINE

A big article on Tonya has recently appeared in the Spring 1997
issue of "Women|Sport", a new magazine from the publishers of
"Sports Illustrated" (you know, that incredibly feminist sports
magazine that publishes an annual "swimsuit issue").

The main focus of the article is Tonya's recent comeback gig in
Reno, Nevada. Regular readers of "The Portlandian" will already
be familiar with this, of course - we gave you full coverage
within DAYS of the event from our man on the spot, unlike SI who
took two months to get around to it (or, indeed, a certain other
Internet skating zine of purportedly Australian origin that just
made their coverage up).

Other hilites include:

- On the guys who threw the billy clubs onto the ice at Reno:
"I'm like, "Assholes, get a life!""

- Tonya has sold her house to pay her back taxes, and is looking
to sell her truck. She is now living with her new boyfriend, one
Jason Stupfel, who is a construction worker (but hey, you
probably guessed that already, didn't you)? She is realistic
about the chances of regaining her amateur status: "Let other
people have their chance. I've been to the Olympics twice. I
missed my chance".

- on fame: "People look at me the way I look at Michael Jordan.
They ask me for autographs. I won't turn anyone down" (though it
should be noted that when a guy at Reno tried to get Tonya to
sign his iron pipe, he was swiftly removed by security - I do
hope they used plenty of "excessive force" when they did so).

(as an aside, the same issue also includes an article on a
certain New England skater and how she is recovering from her
recent pregNANCY, written by E.M. Swift. It's full of typical
anti-Tonya inaccuracies, like the reference to a "tire-iron-
wielding member of Tonya Harding's mob". Perhaps if Mr Swift read
his own articles (like the one he wrote in SI, 14 Feb 1994, p31,
he'd know it was a retractable police baton instead).


THE GREAT SKATING SCHWINDLE?

Also in the article is news that Tonya has now dumped her agent,
David Hans Schmidt, whom she accuses of ripping her off. It
appears that Schmidt was supposed to send her a check from the
tabloid "news" show "Inside Edition" that they gave her in return
for an exclusive interview at Reno, but the Ice-T of the ice rink
claims it never got to her. Then she had a big argument with him
on the phone at 2 am a few days later. Schmidt seems to be trying
to downplay the whole episode as just a minor tiff; "it's like
Billy Martin and George Steinbrenner" he was quoted as saying.


THE CASE OF THE MISSING MUMMY

Perhaps the most startling revelation of all in the article is
Tonya's theory that LaVona Harding (whom she has not spoken to
since 1994 and whom she accuses of abusing her as a child) is not
her real mother. Apparently it all boils down to blood types -
Tonya's parents are both positive, while Tonya is negative, which
is supposedly a big no-no. All of which leaves a big question: if
this is true, then who is Tonya's real mummy?

Well, we here at "The Portlandian" have come up with our own
theory as to Tonya's true parentage: As hard core Tonyaphiliacs
will know, one of the "Oregonian's" chief reporters on the
Tonya/Nancy case was a woman by the name of Julie Vader. Yeah,
that's right, as in:

JULIE:* "Yes, Tonya, I am your mother! Join me on the Dark Side
of the ice rink and we shall conquer the skating universe
together!"

TONYA: "No! No! It's not true!!"

JULIE: "Search your feelings, Tonya! You KNOW it's true!"

TONYA: "I shall never turn to the Dark Side!"

JULIE: "Then, young Skatewalker, you will DIE!!"

TONYA: "Aaaaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhh!!!!!!!"

(Note: these bits sound best when done through a long vacuum
cleaner wand).

Well, at least this theory DOES explain the asthma...


"BREAKAWAY" DEBUTS ON CINEMAX

Yes, that's right, Tonya's gangster movie "Breakaway" premiered
on that channel on April 30th (which, coincidentally, is 3 years
and one day after NBC premiered it's "Tonya & Nancy - The Inside
Story" telemovie. The Internet Movie Database now also has a full
listing for this film which can be accessed by going to:
http://us.imdb.com and doing a search on the title. There you
will find full details including a cast & crew list, plot
summary, and a link to a place where an NTSC VHS copy can be
purchased. Unfortunately we don't know of a source for PAL
copies, but the film has been spotted in England so they must
exist.


CLASSIFIEDS

FOR SALE: 1982 Ford F150 pickup truck. One lady owner. Never
driven over 120 mph. leave a note at the Ice chalet at the
Clackamas Town Center mall...

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VISIT JIM MAXEY'S TONYA SITE AT http://www.tonyaharding.com

A FULL ARCHIVE OF BACK ISSUES OF "THE PORTLANDIAN" CAN BE FOUND
AT: http://www.geocities.com/Colosseum/3388/tonya.html
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