T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  EEEEE

PPPP   OOOO  RRRR  TTTTT L       A   N   N DDDD  I   A   N   N TM
P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
PPPP  O    O RRRR    T   L     AAAAA N N N D   D I AAAAA N N N
P     O    O R   R   T   L     A   A N  NN D   D I A   A N  NN
P      OOOO  R   R   T   LLLLL A   A N   N DDDD  I A   A N   N

The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News

November 12, 2019 Edition - ANNUAL TONYA BIRTHDAY EDITION
(C) 2019 Portland Ice Skating Society

Welcome to the annual birthday issue of "The Portlandian" for 
2019. Tonya turns 49 today, and we hope it's the start of another 
great year for her.

We've got plenty to read and look at, with new Instagram posts 
from Tonya, a birthday cake (of the virtual kind), the Penguin 
finally revealed, some Tonya lookalikes, some triple axels (both 
real and artistic) and we finish off by doing some in-depth 
research in order to settle a question which has vexed 
Tonyaphiles for over two years - namely, exactly how much 
swearing is in "I, Tonya"?


But first an announcement: we are pleased to bring you news of a 
major recovery of important Tonya-related historical material 
that we have brought about with the help of a long-time 
Tonyaphile in Georgia.

We were actually hoping to have some of this on-line in time for 
Tonya's birthday today, but alas the scanning and restoration 
process is taking a little longer than expected. While as our 
initial scans of this material would have been adequate, our 
philosophy is that "adequate" isn't good enough for Tonya and we 
thought we could do better. We believe that only the very best is 
good enough for Tonya since she's had to put up with being 
treated as third-rate crap for so much of her life, so we decided 
to redo the whole lot on another, better-quality scanner, even 
though it meant a delay.

However, we're sure you'll think it's worth it when you see the 
results, which we hope to unveil in a few days.


Tonya has posted a couple of new Instagram messages over the past 
few days. The first is nothing fancy, just Tonya in her jammies 
and slippers, but Tonya proves that she can rock even those items 
of clothing!

She says:

   #AsSheIs. I have a love/hate relationship with the whole 
   Instagram vs reality thing. We all want to show the best 
   versions of ourselves, myself included, but sometimes there 
   are good days and bad days. Days we donít feel or look our 
   best. And days where we feel like itís all falling apart 
   behind the scenes when life gets hard. I get insecure about my 
   looks and know when I put myself out there, there will be love 
   from those in my corner and comments from the haters. But, I 
   feel the best Iíve felt in years, insecurities and all, so 
   here I am. I now nominate two badass females to continue this 
   challenge, @allmoxie and @theemmaslater.

   Nov 7 2019.

Then a couple of days ago, Tonya uploaded another Instagram post, 
this time of herself at her birthday party. But don't worry, you 
haven't missed her birthday (which is the 12th) - it was a 
slightly early pre-birthday party!

However, it appears that shortly afterwards Tonya's account 
suffered a hacking attempt - somebody has gone in and replaced 
her photo with a picture of some glamorous blonde supermodel. I 
wonder who she is?


Meanwhile, as in previous years we've prepared our own cake for 
Tonya - and this year we've upgraded the doll to an Ice Skater 
Barbie thanks to a generous donation by a fan here in New 
Zealand. Although it doesn't look much like Tonya it does bear 
quite a strong resemblance to Margot, who is signed up to do a 
Barbie movie, so maybe that just proves that Tonya and Margot 
were destined by fate to be connected:


In our last edition we discussed a rumor that had been 
circulating that Tonya might be the Penguin on the Fox show "The 
Masked Singer".

The Penguin has now been unmasked, and surprise, surprise, it 
wasn't Tonya. As predicted by many, it was Sherri Shepherd of 
"The View". This was not a big surprise, as only one of the 
clues, "a career on ice", could be taken as possibly referring to 
a skater, and even then only if you interpret it literally. 
Others could have applied to Tonya but also to lots of other 
people, and some didn't seem to fit Tonya at all. Plus, the Egg 
character had already been revealed earlier to be Johnny Weir, 
and it was probably unlikely that they would have had two skaters 
on one show.

Still, the idea of Tonya appearing on this show in the future is 
certainly appealing - it's a show which is definitely a cut above 
alot of the stuff on TV these days. Perhaps now that the idea has 
been floated, the producers might decide to follow suit?


Last year saw Tonya as one of the top Halloween costumes, and 
we're pleased to say that this has continued to be the case this 
time around. We've selected some of the best from those out 

First up, a woman who literally is an "I, Tonya" - Tonya Geesman 
of Chicago. She's probably not the first real Tonya to dress up 
as our Tonya over all these years, but she's the first we've been 
aware of:

She says; "I love Halloween!! We raided my arsenal of costumes & 
I outfitted our entire crew yesterday ???? The best part of the 
night was everyone yelling... 'TONYA!' & I knew it was me".

Several more Tonya mini-mes have also surfaced this year:

   stokedhappyfolk - MiniTonya & Angus Young of AC/DC - this one 
   was liked by the real Tonya:

   Tina Moir - Kids as Tonya & Nancy:

   MiniTonya (accompanied by a MiniNancy) in Layfayette Village, 
   Raleigh NC:

   Yes, I know she's got a club, and we don't like those ones, 
   but she's too cute to leave out.

Corrine from Melbourne Australia is back, this time with a 
Tonya/Harley mashup:

Tonya's mother LaVona continues to inspire:

   Kayla Schmidt -

   Nicolespringersings, Kansas City KS:

   lemmdoublem, San Francisco CA:

Some have gone for a threesome of Tonya, Jeff & Nancy:

   jessolexa, Chicago -

   zach_kacz_92 -

Portland locals continue to be entranced by their hometown 

   Julia Ludington:

A couple have drawn inspiration from Tonya's triple axel costume:

Andrew Alcott of Albertville, France, has recreated Tonya's 
iconic outfit from her 1992 Olympics Short Program:

Ahoy me hearties! Our skating pair hanging out with Captain 
Haddock from Tintin in Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada:

Continuing with the nautical theme, pool.fantasea has some 
underwater Tonyas doing triple axels:

Chandler Reeves:

Beth DeWalt:


John Behlmann - see the last frame:

And finally, something you don't see everyday - Tonya & Nancy 
making dinner:

thingswendysees -


Young You of South Korea has become the latest woman to land a 
triple axel in competition, after she successfully did so in her 
Short Program at Skate Canada in Kelowna BC, last month:

It's actually surprisingly difficult to get an authoritative list 
of who has achived this feat - as best we can tell, there are 17 
so far, along with their date of initially doing so:

1.  Midori Ito, Japan - Aichi Prefecture Regionals, Japan, 
    November 1988*
2.  Tonya Harding, USA - US Nationals, Minneapolis, MN, February 
3.  Ludmila Nelidina, Russia - Skate America, Spokane, WA, 
    October 2002*
4.  Yukari Nakano, Japan - Skate America, Spokane, WA, October 
5.  Aki Sawada, Japan - details uncertain, but her ISU bio says 
    she has landed them in domestic comp. circa 2004.
6.  Mao Asada, Japan - ISU Junior GP Final, Helsinki, Finland, 
    December 2004*
7.  Kimmie Meissner, USA - US Nationals, Portland, OR, January 
8.  Elizaveta Tuktamysheva, Russia - World Champs, Shanghai, 
    China, March 2015*
9.  Rika Kihira, Japan - Junior GP, Ljubljana, Slovenia, 
    September 2016*
10. Mirai Nagasu, USA - Intl FS Classic, Salt Lake City, UT, 
    September 2017*
11. Hana Yoshida, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Shiga, Japan, August 
12. Alysa Liu, USA - Asian Open Trophy, Bangkok, Thailand, August 
13. Ayaka Hosada, Japan - Japan Nationals, Osaka, December 2018*
14. Kinayu Yokoi, Japan - Gensan Summer Cup, Japan, August 2019
15. Sofia Akatieva, Russia - Moscow open, September 2019
16. Alena Kostornaia, Russia - Finlandia Trophy, Espoo, Finland, 
    October 2019*
17. Young You, South Korea - Skate Canada, Kelowna, BC, October 

* has also landed it in international competition.

It doesn't take a genius to see that these are now becoming more 
common - it was over 11 years after Tonya landed hers before her 
feat was repeated, and another ten between Kimmie Meissner's at 
the US Nationals in 2005 and Elizaveta Tuktamysheva's in 2015. 
However, since 2015 there has been a new lady added to the triple 
axel club every year, and four so far this season, which has 
barely started.

Which raises the obvious question - have we now reached the 
tipping point when it comes to ladies' triple axels? Are we now 
on the verge of the jump becoming mainstream in top-level ladies 
competition? In ten years time will a triple axel be regarded as 
a standard jump for top-level ladies in the same way as it now is 
for men? Either way, we still think that Tonya's and Midori's are 
the best.

And remember - South Korea may now have the triple axel, but 
North Korea still has the Iron Lotus!


And now for another regular feature, our roundup of Tonya-
inspired fan art. Although the pace has slowed down over recent 
months, Tonya continues to be a creative muse for many out there:

Sofia Inglese of Buenos Aires, Argentina, has done a Tonya-themed 
photoshoot including recreating Tonya's press conference:

Amy Devlin (amyartworks2) - U of Ulster, Belfast, Ulster

   _korgg_ -

entertainmeweakly - "Mommy's Lil Monster" - another Tonya/Harley 

i_beat-meryl - origami ice-skates, with gold blades:

A few triple axel drawings:

   (selin ansoy) nilesyosira:

   Lientang Felicia (Blackrabbid) "Fire on Ice":

   Unlucky Cloverfield;

tsarinasofia - a cartoon of Tonya at Albertville:

Natalie (Mounteerie) - you're all my attackers, too.

A rarity here - a drawing of modern-day Tonya, apparently based 
on her appearance at the Golden Globes:

   Elles -


"I, Tonya" is mostly an accurate portrayal of Tonya's life story. 
But there are several areas in which it does deviate somewhat 
from reality, and perhaps the most notable of these is in its 
depiction of Tonya as a potty mouth. Indeed, one of its most 
famous scenes, where Tonya approaches a skating judge and tells 
her to do something anatomically impossible never happened in 
real life, at least not in that way.

"Trust me, I donít say the word (expletive) 120 times a day," 
Tonya said in a New York Times article. "That might come out once 
in a while when something really bad happens or I hurt myself. I 
mean, the movie portrayed me as this person who cussed every 10 
seconds and I donít cuss like that."

"Thatís my fault" says Margot. "I swear so much when I act. I get 
caught up in the moment. Itís a terrible habit. I did apologise 
to her about the swearing".

So how much swearing is in "I, Tonya" compared to other movies? 
Turns out, not as much as you'd think.

"Slap Shot" was a 1977 comedy about an ice hockey team, starring 
Paul Newman. At the time it was considered extremely profane, 
with a whole 61 f-words, a c-word, and a cs-word. "I, Tonya", 
about the genteel sport of ladies figure skating, blows "Slap 
Shot" into the weeds with more than double the amount of f-words 
(over 120) and 3 c-words. But it's still pretty tame compared to 
alot of modern fare.

What film has the most f-words? If you exclude porn, and a couple 
of films ABOUT swearing, which don't really count, that rather 
dubious honor goes to another Margot Robbie film, "The Wolf of 
Wall Street" from 2013, which at over 500 makes "I, Tonya" look 
like a Sonja Henie musical. Of those, 36 are uttered by Margot's 
character, so she certainly had plenty of practice to warm up for 
"I, Tonya".

Precisely how many f-words are in "Wolf of Wall Street" is a bone 
of contention, however - you'd think that counting swearwords 
would be a simple task, but it's not as easy as it appears, 
because of people slurring and mumbling their words and sometimes 
swearing over the top of other people who are also swearing. 
Plus, many early counts were from viewings in a cinema where you 
can't rewind to double-check. Guinness says 506 or 2.81 f-
words/min - but they appear to be just citing an article by which says "at least 506 f-words", and contrary to 
what you'd expect from Guinness, they don't seem to have bothered 
to check themselves. A writer at Slate counted 544, while another 
at Vulture claims 569. But whichever figure you choose, it still 
far exceeds the earlier Scorsese film "Casino", which has 422. 
Amongst other infamously sweary movies, "Reservoir Dogs" has only 
half as many at 269, "Scarface" 207, and "Bad Santa" a mere 173.

Which brings us back to "I, Tonya" - and the main question: 
EXACTLY how many f-words does it contain? Merely doing a search 
on a PDF of Steven Rogers' script isn't enough, as the finished 
film obviously contains a considerable amount of improvisation. 
Online sources we consulted were wildly inconsistent:

- - claims "about" 123 

- - says 
  "f--k" is said about 120 times;

- - says "about 
  130 f-words, 25 s-words and three uses of the c-word."

  - says "f-words (130+), s-words (35+)".

- The Brisbane Courier Mail estimates about 180 swearwords of all 
  types, averaging around 1.5/minute. Of these Margot has 83 f-
  words and 103 swearwords overall.

As the Internet's leading Tonya authority, we know that there are 
far too many "alternative facts" about her going around and felt 
it was important to get this one right. We realized that there 
was only one way to find out for sure - sit down and watch the 
movie, and count 'em ourselves. And in the interest of Tonya 
accuracy, that's exactly what we did - from the first one at 
3:29, to the last line of the movie at 1:51:42.

But first, some methodology: we confined our count to the most 
severe swear words - we haven't counted words like "hell", 
"damn" etc. as swearwords because apart from a few religious 
people most others don't really see these as real swear words 

We left out watered-down equivalents like "a-hole", "frigging" 
and "effing" in the count. We also haven't distinguished between 
the use of an f-word in a sexual sense ("You two f--k yet?") and 
non-sexual ("they broke her f--king knee") - apparently the MPAA 
allows you to have one of the latter and still retain a PG-13 
rating. Not that that's relevant in the case of "I, Tonya".

Finally, in order to count a word had to be clearly and 
unambiguously articulated in a manner that an average audience 
member with good hearing could understand it. If the only way a 
word can be recognized is to spend 8 hours playing with a 48-band 
graphic equalizer, that's too obscure. For this reason we've left 
out a couple of possible f-words that may have been uttered by 
LaVona when she is thrown out of Tonya's house for wearing a 
wire, as they just weren't clear enough to be certain.

And our result was: a grand total of 129 f-words, of which 72 
come from Tonya, 28 from Jeff, 24 from LaVona, and 5 from other 
characters. There's also 27 s-words and 4-bs words, 3 c-words, 6 
a-words, 1 d-word, 3 b-words, one derogatory term for a butch 
lesbian ("bull-dyke") and one use of the word "cr-p".

And as for that scene with the skating judge? The way it actually 
happened was like this: "I did not go to the judges on the ice 
and talk to them like that in front of everyone. When I spoke to 
the judges they were in the back hallway room telling me you need 
to have better dresses. I go, ĎWell if you can find me $5000 to 
make me a dress then Iíll wear it and I wonít have to sew these 
anymore.í I go, ĎYou know what? Out of my face!í"

And so the curtain comes down on another birthday issue. We hope 
that Tonya and her family have a great day!


PortIce -
David House -
Charlie Main -
Puppetboy -
Valerie Smith -
Swan Lake -
Blades of Gold -
Back to Portlandian index
Back to PortIce Home Page