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The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News
November 12, 2022 Edition - ANNUAL TONYA BIRTHDAY EDITION
(C) 2022 Portland Ice Skating Society
Greetings, fellow Tonyaphiles, as we welcome you to our annual
birthday edition of The Portlandian for 2022. Today, we celebrate
Tonya's 52nd birthday. As usual, we've got a cake, but there's
also plenty of other stuff, including a full recap of Tonya's
appearance at The Brew 105.9 FM's Bacon and Beer event, a chance
to get ahold of some cool Tonya merch (including another Tonya
truck) and finish off with a special birthday gift from us that
will enable you to have even more Tonya in your life - and we all
can do with more of that, right?
Plus, we bring you an important announcement about something
we've all been waiting to happen for years. Stay tuned...
TONYA'S BIRTHDAY PARTY
If you live in the greater Portland area, you're going to have an
opportunity to celebrate Tonya's birthday in a very special way
this year - with Tonya herself! She'll be having a party at
BackRoads in Yacolt on Saturday night - and she would love to
have you come help her celebrate!
The Birthday celebration will be from 8:00pm until 11:00pm. They
have karaoke too, which starts at 9:00pm. Tonya will also be
selling autographed photos for $20.00 each.
Tonya also invited the crew from The Brew along as well, but
unfortunately Tanner, Drew and Laura couldn't make it on such
short notice. However, we are reliably informed that Casey
"Beefwater" Bay from the station will be making an appearance in
his Dick Tracy outfit from Bacon and Beer:
The address is:
303 N. Amboy Ave.
Yacolt, WA. 98675
With Tonya around, you can be sure it will be a fun night!! So
come along if you can. We'd go ourselves, but we've got the
slight problem of being in the wrong country. But, in keeping
with tradition, we do have a cake, which you can see below:
Although it doesn't show up that well in the photo, the color of
the icing was designed to pay tribute to the pink color of the
writing on the "I, Tonya" poster.
You can see our previous cakes here:
That's the problem with New Zealand. So far from Portland. So
close to Antarctica.
BACON AND BEER REDUX
The big news of the past few weeks has been Tonya's attendance at
The Brew's Bacon & Beer event that was held at the Wild Hare
Saloon in Oregon City last month.
Tonya's appearance was a spectacular success, resulting in one of
the biggest turnouts for a B&B event ever. In the process she
raised around $2000 for the Oregon chapter of the Vietnam
Veterans of America.
Tanner of The Brew says that there was at least 200 people lined
up out the door at 6:00am, waiting to get a selfie taken with
Tonya or get a signed autographed photo of her. He said the
people adored her, which was evident when the crowd started
chanting "Tonya, Tonya, Tonya" over and over.
Entertainment included a chilly-dog suck off contest, and what
might be euphemistically described as "adult products" vibrating
their way down a sloping racetrack, with Tonya giving out the
medal to the winner, which was Laura (her third win at this
Here's the full show if you want to listen to it:
If you don't have time for the full show, here's the Tonya bits:
Bacon and Beer - the event itself:
Tonya talked with Sean Britt, the guy who claims she was looking
at him. Not Tonya, but she says that alot of people claim to have
seen her. Seems that Tonya sightings in PDX are like bigfoot or
Looking back on B and B:
The Brew team have also uploaded several photos to Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cjs3u0oD6mN/ The Brew
Casey's Court - a brief Tonya mention at the start:
Another one, from the Wild Hare Saloon's FB page:
A news team from local Fox affiliate KPTV was also on hand, and
reporter Bonnie Silkman interviewed Tonya, with the cameraman
desperately trying to avoid getting any of the vibrators in shot.
Unfortunately, none of the footage appears to have been posted
on-line. However, Tanner has posted this short clip which gives
some idea of what the coverage was like:
Bonnie Silkman has also posted these tweets:
All in all, a stunning success for everybody involved, with Tonya
indicating she'd be up for doing it again. But there's even
better news to come...
A TERRIFIC BIRTHDAY PRESENT
As we've mentioned above, Tonya invited Tanner, Drew and Laura
from The Brew to her birthday party, an event they unfortunately
were unable to attend due to the short notice. However it did
result in Tonya being invited to phone in to the show on Friday
(which they mistakenly thought was Tonya's birthday):
They then made a major announcement: that they plan to organize
campaign to get Tonya's life ban from the USFSA lifted.
It doesn't need to be said that if successful this would mean a
major breakthrough in the restoration of Tonya's place in skating
history. Currently Tonya is forbidden from skating with USFSA
skaters in the few skating shows that remain in operation. And
she also can't be an official "coach of record" (despite all the
numerous paedos and abusers that the USFSA tolerates as coaches),
which hinders her ability to earn a living by teaching her skills
to a new generation of skaters.
Details are still forthcoming and will be announced on Monday.
And we'll be the first to report on how you can help make it
TONYA TRUCK - AND MERCH - FOR SALE
Remember how a couple of years back, Tonya sold her truck? And
how disappointed you were that you missed out? Well, now you've
got a second chance at owning a Tonya truck, because she's
selling another one!
Unlike the previous one, this one will "need some work" however.
It's a 1961 Ford F250 unibody with a 6-cylinder engine. We're
told it has two new front fenders, a new high-gear rear end, all
its original glass, and it was running when parked. And it's all
yours for the best offer over the meager sum of three grand.
You can view it here, at our newly-launched Tonya Merchandise
page, which brings together links to all of Tonya's official
merch in one place, just in time for Christmas:
For those of us on more modest budgets, there is an assortment of
other items for sale, including a new range of autographed
photos. And let's not forget Tonya's range of licensed clothing
on FanArch, and the opportunity to get a personalized video from
her on Cameo and Signd.
And if you do have deep pockets, there are still some of Tonya's
"Dancing With The Stars" dresses available.
There - we've just solved your Christmas gift hassles all at
once. Forget "needs more cowbell" - for us it's "needs more
TONYA ON A PLATE
A license plate that is. Spotted in Kerhonkson, NY:
And it's on a pickup truck, of course!
TONYAWEEN AND FAN ART ROUNDUP
And now for our regular roundup of Tonya-themed fan art. It's
also customary at this time of year to find large numbers of
people dressing up as Tonya for Halloween, so we'll check those
Unfortunately, the pickings are slim this time around when it
comes to artwork, with us being able to find only one Tonya-
related piece this time around. But fortunately lack of quantity
does not mean lack of quality:
Kamilla Takacs (camilla.art)
Unfortunately the same is true in the opposite direction with
this year's Tonyaween. While as we're pleased to see that plenty
of people continue to cosplay as Tonya, the quality has largely
fallen off a cliff this year, with people returning to the old
trope of knee-bashing. There are a few good ones, however, that
are respectful of Tonya:
First up, some tasty treats (and we're not just talking about the
The Spread (thespreadpdx), Portland OR. (no, we don't know how
the picture from "The Shining" fits in)
Itís that time of year again! We are taking orders on custom
spooky cheese platters. $20 off all seasonal, large party
platters all month!
Oh My Nosh LLC (ohmynoshhh) New York City.
All I know is skating (and how to make some damn good silky
sage butternut squash pasta)
Vanessa (vanessaverdeaux) - Tonya and Jeff
Bri Oglu (brioglu) Los Angles, CA.
Make sure you look at the second slide for a re-enactment of a
classic IT scene:
Kristen Leach (kristenleach) Oklahoma City, OK. Tonya with a
Ally Brainard & Jenn Fernald (filmsbycirce) - another Tonya/Nancy
And a few from years gone by:
Marina (marinalynbrown) (2021)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CVtczH2P3Vg/ Tonya/Nancy pair
A good one from 2019:
kjominy - https://www.instagram.com/p/B4XbPSplA-N/
And finally, Lauren Casola (laurencasola) - Nancy with a dog as
RING, RING, IT'S TONYA!
As every true Tonyaphile knows, Tonya's proudest skating
achievement was landing the triple axel at the 1991 U.S.
Nationals. Now you can be reminded of Tonya's Triple Axel Triumph
every time your phone rings!
As a birthday present to Tonyaphiles, we are pleased to announce
the completely free-of-charge Tonya Triple Axel ringtone, which
you can download from here:
Installing on an Android or Windows phone is a piece of cake:
just download it and drag it to the Ringtones folder on the
phone. Then set it as your ringtone, just as you would any other:
iPhones are a bit more complicated, but hey, it wouldn't be Apple
if it wasn't - they'd rather you buy their overpriced ringtones
from their crApp Store than use your own. But it is possible.
- If you have a Mac and are on Catalina or above, you can
download the file to the computer, plug the phone into the
computer and drag the file into the phone's General tab in
Finder. It will then show up in the phone's list of available
ringtones for you to select.
- If you're on a Windows computer, or a Mac before Catalina, you
can download iTunes and use that to drag the ringtone into the
Tones folder on the plugged-in phone. NOTE: make sure you save
the downloaded file with an .m4r extension so that the phone will
recognize it as a ringtone.
- If you don't have a separate computer, it gets more tricky: you
have to download the Windows/Android mp3 version directly onto
the iPhone itself, and then use the free Garageband app to import
the mp3 file as a clip into a Garageband project, and then export
it as an iPhone-type ringtone:
A bit of a hassle for sure, but we're certain you'll agree the
result - a bit more Tonya in your life - is more than worth it!
VISIT THESE GREAT TONYA WEB SITES:
PortIce - http://www.pdxiss.org
David House - http://www.tonyaharding.org
Charlie Main - http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/tonya.html
Puppetboy - http://www.usapaul.net/tonya/
Valerie Smith - http://www.olywa.net/radu/valerie/LilHam.html
Swan Lake - http://members.tripod.com/~TonyaHarding/index.html
Blades of Gold - http://members.tripod.com/tmhfan/index.html