T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  EEEEE

PPPP   OOOO  RRRR  TTTTT L       A   N   N DDDD  I   A   N   N TM
P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
PPPP  O    O RRRR    T   L     AAAAA N N N D   D I AAAAA N N N
P     O    O R   R   T   L     A   A N  NN D   D I A   A N  NN
P      OOOO  R   R   T   LLLLL A   A N   N DDDD  I A   A N   N

The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News

December 22, 1998 Edition -  WE WISH YOU A TONYA CHRISTMAS
(C) 1998 Portland Ice Skating Society


At last, it's finally arrived! Just in time for Christmas comes 
THE cool fashion accessory for the 1998/99 skating season, the 
PortIce Tonya T-shirt. The perfect gift for the Tonyaphile in
your life - and a chance to show the skating establishment what 
YOU think of their Great Skating Swindle next time Stars On Ice 
is in town. And the best thing of all is the price - it's 
completely free!

The front pays tribute to (i.e. rips off) our favorite band, the 
Sex Pistols, whilst the back pays homage to Joe Haran's great 
Tonya 'zine "The Skater". It can be downloaded from:

Needless to say it should be emphasized that this is definitely 
NOT an officially licensed Tonya product. We encourage wide 
distribution, however, in order to publicize Tonya's cause.


Since our last issue, two of the Tonya Web sites have now moved 
to different URL's:  Puppetboy now has his site at, whilst Charlie Main shifts his site to Charlie has also added some photos of Tonya 
from the J Barry Mittan archive, whom long time Internet skating 
fans will know is one of the best known photographers of figure 
skating on the Internet. Apart from this nothing has changed - 
still the same great Tonya info and photos. Same Bat-time, same 

Meanwhile Visiri Rasikan has set up a small Tonya Harding fan 
site with a couple of pictures of Tonya that have probably not 
been seen on the net before. His site is located at:

He also has some photos of Katerina Witt (no, not those ones...).


The PortIce Special Duties Section has been contacted by someone 
who is interested in tracking down the lyrics to a song that he 
heard on the radio in early 1994 while he was living in 
Vicksburg, Mississippi. Called "Tonya's Silver Hammer", it was a 
parody of the Beatles classic "Maxwell's Silver Hammer". He 
thinks that the radio station may have been located in the 
Jackson MS area. If anybody has heard of this tune or has any 
information that can help him, please contact us, and we'll pass 
it on.


Regular readers of the "Portlandian" will know that we're 
certainly no friends of that most wretched hive of scum and 
villainy known as the International Olympic Committee. Now, 
following on from IOC President Samaranch's recent bizarre 
comments about performance enhancing drugs, comes a new dose of 
sleaze that would put even Bill Clinton to shame. Swiss IOC 
member Marc Hodler has confirmed what has been common knowledege 
for years, i.e. that bribery is common when it comes to cities 
lobbying for the right to stage the Games. Hodler, an IOC member 
since 1963, claims that at least four "agents" are selling IOC 
members votes for between $500,000 and 1 million dollars with 
payments of 3 to 5 million if the bid is successful. One agent, 
he says, has been instrumental in every successful bid in recent 
years. Atlanta, Salt Lake City and Nagano have all been named by 
Hodler as being in on this kind of thing, and he believes there's 
no reason that Sydney was any better, he said.

Samaranch has threatened a get tough approach with promises to 
clean out any IOC member found soliciting bribes, and there are 
even suggestions SLC could lose the 2002 Winter Games - but don't 
hold your breath for that happening. If Sammy's previous record 
on drug abuse is anything to go by, his newfound enthusiasm for 
honesty and ethics will quickly fade once the issue disappears 
from the headlines.


By the way, could it be that some top level skaters are finally 
starting to take notice of our suggestions here at "The 
Portlandian"? Tonia Kwiatkowski (cool name, even if it is 
spelled wrong) was skating at the recent Pro championships to a 
Janet Jackson number dressed in what looked like a black vinyl 
bondage outfit. Hopefully this might be the start of a trend - we 
definitely NEED more women skaters performing in black vinyl 
bondage gear. There was even one of the pairs teams that skated 
to Led Zeppelin.

Now if someone will just chuck in a bit of Black Sabbath or even 
better, some Burt Bacharach, our day will be made. And whatever 
you choose to listen to (or skate to), we wish you a Merry 
Christmas and look forward to Tonya's return in the New Year.


PortIce -
Roy Edwards (formerly Jim Maxey) -
Dave House -
Charlie Main - http://www.charliesweb/tonya/tonya.html
Puppetboy -
Valerie Smith -
Swan Lake -
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