TTTTT H   H  EEEEE
  T   H   H  E
  T   HHHHH  EEEEE
  T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  EEEEE

PPPP   OOOO  RRRR  TTTTT L       A   N   N DDDD  I   A   N   N TM
P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
PPPP  O    O RRRR    T   L     AAAAA N N N D   D I AAAAA N N N
P     O    O R   R   T   L     A   A N  NN D   D I A   A N  NN
P      OOOO  R   R   T   LLLLL A   A N   N DDDD  I A   A N   N

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The Internet's unofficial fanzine dedicated to Tonya Harding, the
coolest thing to come out of Portland since View Master reels. 

February 14, 1997 Edition 
(C) 1997 Portland Ice Skating Society
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TONYA FOILS ABDUCTION ATTEMPT

Well, the hot news this week is unquestionably the attempted
abduction of America's greatest figure skater. Tonya claims that
early on Wednesday morning she surprised a guy with "bushy hair"
tampering with one of her vehicles, who then threatened her and
forced her to drive him way out in the country. But Portland's
plucky princess foiled the attempt by ramming her truck into a
tree (obviously she's been taking driving lessons from Oksana)
and hiding in the undergrowth until her attacker went by, and
then driving back home and contacting the Police with her
cellphone.

Needless to say, the Tonyaphobes are already dismissing it as a
publicity stunt; certainly the timing couldn't have been worse,
coming right in the middle of Nationals. However, this doesn't
automatically mean this is the case. And if it is genuine, it
could have turned out much nastier.

We here at "The Portlandian" are outraged at this attitude; If
you want a conspiracy theory, why not start with these: Perhaps
it may be the work of that notorious bunch of skating terrorists,
the KRA (Kerriganian Republican Army)? How far will the
Nancyphiles go in their attempts to sabotage Tonya's Reno
comeback - will they stoop to any level? Or could be the work of
Jeff "Stone" (or whatever he's calling himself this week) and his
band of losers? These theories are no more looney than the
publicity stunt suggestion.


NEW TONYA WEB SITE IN OPERATION

There is now at least one Tonya Web site that has sprung up in
recent weeks. It is:

http://www.tonyaharding.com/

operated by Jim Maxey in Portland. It is not an official site,
(and is pretty rudimentary at present), but given encouragement
it could grow into a really great Tonyaphile site. This is also
the only Tonya fan site on the Net that we know of since the
departure of Per Persson's web site (which was easily the coolest
thing to come out of Sweden since Abba) around May of last year,
and that was more of a "joke" site than a serious Tonya fan site.
We urge you to support this site and to e-mail your encouragement
to him to keep up the good work.


TRIPLE AXELS & DOUBLE STANDARDS

Well, Oksana Baiul has had her second day in court and as
predicted, has got off with a slap on the wrist, due to a
loophole in the law. In fact, to call it a "slap" would be being
kind - more like a pat on the wrist from our perspective. Ms
Baiul, who was recently arrested following a 100mph crash that
occurred after a heavy drinking session which left her 68% over
the legal drink/driving limit was sentenced in a Connecticut
court to a $90 fine (yes that's right, "ninety" - we didn't
forget any zero's) and ordered to perform 25 hours of community
service. And NO suspension of license!! Apparently this was due
to the fact that the blood sample used was taken by the hospital
and not the Police.

This example of Connecticut's so called "justice" system in
action might be not so bad if Oksana has actually learnt from the
crime, but whether that has occurred is doubtful; on a recent
appearance on the Oprah Winfrey show, Baiul appeared to be still
unwilling to admit she was even drunk at all, only doing so after
prompting by Oprah, and seemed to try to excuse her behavior by
saying "I'm Russian" (sic). This is in spite of admitting to
consuming at least 4 Long Island Iced Teas, a motley concoction
of about 4 different liquors guaranteed to get anybody legless in
a short period of time. Needless to say the Oksanaholics on
rec.sport.skating.ice.figure are already trotting out the same
tired old threadbare excuses: "she's young" (as if the fact she
was drinking underage actually makes it BETTER, not worse),
"teenagers all do stupid things, so we can ignore it" (but only a
minority do things that are THAT stupid), and, my personal
favorite, that "she's foreign so when she says something dumb she
doesn't really mean what she says" (i.e. when she says she's not
drunk, she really means she is - or does she?). These excuses are
lame and are becoming increasingly tiresome and thoroughly
predictable. Will these people ever acknowledge that Oksana is an
adult and has to be held accountable for what she does & says?

This is followed by a recent poll that showed Tonya is the most
disliked sportsperson in America - yes, she even came in below
OJ, who was next up the list. 4000 people were polled on how much
they would pay for autographs or sports memorabilia relating to
particular sportspeople; Tonya came 84th out of 84. Like the
Baiul case, this continues to reinforce our opinion of a double
standard towards Tonya, who confessed to a minor involvement in a
crime and was never charged with anything else, versus OJ
Simpson, who was found legally culpable in a Court of law of
cold-bloodedly murdering two innocent people and who compounds
his offense by refusing to admit his guilt and instead persists
with ludicrous denials. Not only are these people who answered
the survey hypocrites, but they're damn stupid as well; a Tonya
autograph would make a valuable asset for any collector. And
speaking of which...


WANT A PHOTO OF TONYA?

Tonyaphiles who want an autographed black & white photo of Tonya
can get one by sending $40 to her agent, David Hans Schmidt. His
address is:

    DHS Public Relations
    608 East Missouri Avenue
    Suite E-2
    Phoenix AZ 85012
    USA

Money orders or bank checks only (no personal checks). Enclose a
note saying who you'd like the picture made out to. I've spoken
to somebody who has one of these and they are very impressed with
it.


REMASTERED "STAR WARS" GETS EARLY DEBUT THANKS TO TONYA; OR A
LONG TIME AGO IN A SKATING RINK FAR, FAR, AWAY...

As you will be aware, "Star Wars" has been re-released to
theaters in the US and has got an overwhelming response, easily
becoming the top grossing box office attraction of the week. Not
many people will be aware, however, that the re-release was
originally scheduled for May 25th, the 20th anniversary of the
original release. Why the change? Well, it appears that it was
pushed up early to avoid clashing with "Jurassic Park II" which
is due out at that time! Obviously that nice Mr Spielberg heard
Tonya was on the comeback trail and needed more music to skate
to, and so decided to do a sequel... what a great guy!

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WE WISH TONYA A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

DON'T FORGET - RENO CONVENTION CENTER, SATURDAY 22nd FEBRUARY
1997
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