T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  E
  T   H   H  EEEEE

PPPP   OOOO  RRRR  TTTTT L       A   N   N DDDD  I   A   N   N TM
P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
PPPP  O    O RRRR    T   L     AAAAA N N N D   D I AAAAA N N N
P     O    O R   R   T   L     A   A N  NN D   D I A   A N  NN
P      OOOO  R   R   T   LLLLL A   A N   N DDDD  I A   A N   N

The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News

November 12, 2005 Edition - ANNUAL BIRTHDAY ISSUE
(C) 2005 Portland Ice Skating Society

It's that time of year again! We hope that Tonya skates through 
her birthday and does a triple axel over any obstacles that come 
her way in the future!


Last time we checked in on Tonya she was on her way to the 
Chiller Theatre convention in New Jersey. Chiller is a large fan 
convention with a mainly horror & sci-fi theme. We're pleased to 
report that this was not only a success but so much of a success 
that Tonya returned to Chiller a couple of weeks ago for their 
Halloween event.

You can see photos from both these appearances on Charlie Main's 

More photos of the earlier session can be found at:

And the second appearance:

More pictures may come available at:

if you keep an eye out over the next week or two.


Tonya's next fight, in Jackson Mississipi went without a hitch. 
Her opponent was initially planned to be a relatively unknown 
fighter called Jessica McLung, who was making her pro debut, but 
this was changed to Doreen Hilton (hey, at least it's not Paris 
Hilton) of Denver. Hilton's record before this fight stood at 2 
fights, both of which she lost. About her last fight in March, wrote "local fave Monica Lovato (3-1, 1 KO) 
made short work of pro debuter Doreen Hilton (0-1) stopping her 
by TKO at 1:52 of the first round. Hilton was game, but proved 
too experienced for Lovato".

Hilton can now add a third loss to her record, with Tonya winning 
on a split decision.

The event, billed as the "Mississippi Massacre", also featured 
Eric "Butterbean" doing battle with local hero Ray Lunsford. In 
addition, there was also a "Jackson's Baddest Man" contest held 
in conjunction with the pro bouts. Turnout was disappointing, 
with the local newspaper reporting that there were scores of 
empty seats.


June saw Tonya meet Hillary Wise of Indianapolis in an exhibition 
fight at the Grand Victoria Casino and Resort in Rising Sun, 
Ind., with Butterbean acting as her corner man. She fought three 
rounds of one and a half minutes each.

Shortly before, a major article about Tonya also appeared in the 
Dayton Daily News by Tom Archdeacon. In addition to covering the 
various events in her life that we are all familiar with it also 
reveals that Tonya has now traded in her old moniker of "Bad 
Girl" for "the Energizer".

"I'm not America's Bad Girl any more, but then I never thought I 
was a bad person, I just made a lot of bad choices," she said. 
"But each time I got off course, I just kept working and found my 
way back. That's why I changed my name to The Energizer. Like the 
Energizer Bunny, 'cept I can't use that name. So I'm just The 
Energizer - I just keep going and going. No matter how many 
time's I'm knocked down, I get back up."

Tonya also says that asthma problems and the wrong medication 
helped do her in and claims to be getting a handle on the health 

"The people who like me see me as a real person, somebody like 
them whose life has been on a roller coaster, but was able to 
overcome the stupid things they did. And besides, I think people 
like to watch two women go at it. I mean when I'm not overweight 
I'm kind of cute," she giggled.


We knew that with such a long drought since the last bit of Tonya 
news that the next story to come along would have to be something 
really weird to make up for the delay, and here it is.

Elizabeth Searle, who is an instructor at the University of 
Southern Maine's Stone Coast creative writing program, and 
Abigail Al Doory, grad student in composition at Tufts 
University, have written an opera based on the notorious 1994 
knee-clubbing incident:

The opera is scheduled to be performed at Tufts in the spring, 
but for those who want an advance preview Searle read her 
libretto (that's the lyrics part of an opera, for non-opera fans) 
on Oct. 24 at The Enormous Room in Cambridge.

It's not Searle's first use of the Tonya/Nancy incident as 
inspiration for her work: earlier she wrote a novella, 
"Celebrities in Disgrace", about a weirdo stalking an actress 
vying for the Kerrigan role in a TV movie. Planning is currently 
under way for this to be made into a short film by Seattle 
director Paul Ramsay.

The fact that this project originates from the Boston area, plus
Searle's comment that "the world is full of Tonyas who want to be
Nancys" doesn't give cause for optimism that this will be 
sympathetic to Tonya. It also appears that her research has been 
limited to the usual media stuff rather than any attempt at doing 
primary research to dig up any new angles (she has not contacted 
either skater), so it looks like accuracy will take a quick trip 
to the bin as well. I don't think we'll be seeing this thing at 
the Met or La Scala (which is not a bad thing - Pavarotti as 
Shawn Eckardt, anybody?).

Personally, we think that if Tonya's life was to be made into an 
opera it should be a rock opera. If we can have "Tommy" we can 
certainly have "Tonya".


Late October saw more news about a Tonya fight, but unfortunately 
not the type we were hoping for.

Various sources such as the AP, CNN, the Oregonian, etc. reported 
that police were called to Tonya's house on Sunday 23rd, after an 
altercation she had with Christopher Nolan, aged 27, who was 
subsequently arrested on various domestic assault related 
charges. He pleaded not guilty to fourth-degree assault charges 
in Clark County District Court on Monday.

Nolan's name will be familiar to long-time Tonyaphiles; he was 
with Tonya when they were pulled over by a forest ranger for 
alleged illegal posession of alcohol back in 2002 - a charge that 
was subsequently thrown out by a judge with an admonishment to 
the prosecutor that it was a waste of the court's time. His exact 
relationship to Tonya is not clear; Tonya is quoted as describing 
him as her boyfriend, but Nolan says he's just her room-mate.

The local rag the Columbian has more details:

It goes without saying that the media have been giving Tonya a 
hard time over this - a recent Inside Edition report was 
apparently very negative. Everybody ignores one thing, however: 
it was NOLAN, not TONYA, who was arrested. Tonya hasn't been 
arrested or charged with anything. She's the victim here, though 
you'd scarcely know it from the headlines. And why does this 
stuff keep leaking out, when according to Sgt. Craig Hogman, 
quoted in "The Columbian", she has the right to have her name 
kept confidential? It doesn't say much for the security of the 
local police department, which apparently has more leaks than a 


All this Tonya news has lead to an upsurge in Tonya related 
search activity on the Internet, so much so that Tonya actually 
made it to the No. 13 spot on Google's most popular search terms 
for the last week of October, beating out "Johnny Cash" (the 
subject of an upcoming film) and "Saw 2":

This proves one thing: people are still interested in Tonya, even 
after all these years. This blows away the claims by the 
Tonyaphobes that "nobody's interested in Tonya" and that she 
should just disappear.


Puppetboy has once again got a new domain name. He's now 

Very handy if you can't remember how to spell "trinitrotoluene".

SOME TONYA SKATING VIDEOS ON-LINE is, as its name suggests, a Kwan 
site, but there are also video clips of other skaters
(, including Tonya

There are 6 videos including Tonya's 94 Olympics Long Program 
(the one she re-skated due to the broken lace), 91 National 3-
axel, and 94 Nationals Long & Short Programs, LP scores and an 

The latter is the one where, in between a massive dose of 
asthmatic hacking and coughing, Tonya says she "knows who my true 
friends really are", a statement that is always cited by 
Tonyaphobes as "proof" that Tonya is guilty. It's supposedly 
meant to be some kind of deep, dark, coded thank-you message to 
Eckardt and his boys for their work in taking care of Nancy, but 
it's patently obvious from her comments later on in the interview 
that she's actually referring to her fans and sponsors.

There is also footage of Midori Ito in action that's worth a look 

Quality is variable - the interview is good, but unfortunately
rapidly-moving stuff like skating jumps don't compress well and 
tend to look blurry. If you're studying these for technique 
you'll be wasting your time. The sound is also rather hissy (oh 
WHY didn't people buy HiFi VCRs for taping this stuff?). Don't 
attempt to play the videos "on the fly" - if you're on a dialup 
it won't work and on broadband you'll overload the server. Some 
of the videos have what sound like Japanese soundtracks.

As an interesting aside, we learn that Tonya's horoscope for that 
week stated:

"A long cherished goal moves within reach. You feel elated! The 
outside resources or talents you need are available. Your 
leadership skills put you ahead of the pack."

If you've ever wondered whether astrology was a load of bollocks 
then this will remove all doubt.


Several months ago we reported about how the USFSA decided to 
charge one of its own, Ted Clarke, with improper behavior over 
his support for the World Skating Federation, a newly-formed 
rival body to the ISU, that regrettably went belly-up earlier 
this year.

But Clarke wasn't the only one to be dealt to by the fascists in 
Colorado Springs for having the barefaced audacity to actually 
think he lived in a free country where he could speak his mind. 
Other grievances were also filed against Jon Jackson and Ron 
Pfenning over their role in the WSF's formation. The person who 
originally filed the grievances (which was later picked up and 
prosecuted by the USFSA itself) is a name that will be familiar 
to Tonyaphiles; it's Morry Stillwell, former USFSA President and 
a leading architect of anti-Tonya hatred in that organization. It 
was Stillwell, for instance, who circulated an e-mail in 1993 
alleging without any evidence that Tonya had faked a death threat 
against herself to avoid competing in the 1993 regionals in 

We've long held the opinion that Stillwell is a complete and 
utter wanker; this latest action by him in persecuting these two 
guys just confirms this. Plus now we know he's a Speedy 
sychophant as well, with no interest in promoting the true 
interests of figure skating, which should be to get out of the 
corrupt and speedskating-dominated ISU as fast as possible.

But anyway, back to the grievance: The process was the standard 
lynch mob routine that will have Tonyaphiles experiencing that 
deja-vu feeling. "From the beginning, the USFSA denied various
due process rights to my clients, ignoring many of its own rules 
and the protections afforded Mr. Jackson and Mr. Pfenning by the 
USOC" said James Nguyen, Jackson and Pfenning's attorney. The 
Stillwell grievance continued despite Jackson and Pfenning's 
appeal to the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) for an 
independent arbitration. According to John Ruger, USOC ombudsman, 
this is the first time that a member federation has moved forward 
with an internal grievance when an independent USOC-sanctioned 
arbitration panel had been requested. A USOC arbitration would 
have guaranteed certain due process rights and its arbitrators 
would have had no ties to figure skating.

Let's get this straight: Jackson and Pfenning were accused of 
acting against the USFSA, depsite the fact that the WSF is a 
challenge to the ISU, not the USFSA, and despite the fact the the 
USFSA itself has endorsed the principles of the WSF at its annual 
conference last year. It used to be that you had to do something 
really serious to get accused of that, like, just to take a 
totally hypothetical example, try to break a skater's kneecap, 
for instance. But today it appears that merely speaking out 
against corruption is enough to get you blackballed.

"In establishing the WSF, Ron and I violated no USFSA rules or
bylaws," Jackson stated. "The WSF was a challenge to the ISU 
only. It did not affect any member federation in any way." 

You'd think with things stacked so heavily against them Jackson & 
Pfenning would be goners. Despite this, after hearing evidence, 
including live testimony from witnesses for an entire day, the 
independent panel ruled overwhelmingly in favor of Jackson and 
Pfenning and dismissed all charges. Despite a rigged system that 
would do dance judging proud, the USFSA still lost the case. It's 
a stunning measure of just what a complete travesty the entire 
case, which wasted $200,000 and took 591 days to resolve, was 
against these people. And just to cap it off, it seems the USFSA 
is going to waste further time and money appealing.

"It is the ultimate hypocrisy that Chuck Foster would actively 
seek the endorsement of the WSF in his campaign for President of 
the USFSA," said Jackson, "and then turn around and seek to 
malign and banish Ron and me. To spend some quarter-of-a-million 
dollars for a political payback while simultaneously cutting 
funding to US athletes is outrageous."

Nguyen, whose firm handled the case pro-bono because of the 
important free-speech isues raised, said "we prevailed because 
the facts were so overwhelming in favor of my clients. In the 
end, justice prevailed and the voices of Mr. Jackson and Mr. 
Pfenning were not silenced."

Ron Pfenning gets the last word: "I am proud of the way Jon and I 
stood up for athlete rights. This is a complete vindication of 
our efforts."

As for the aforementioned WSF, this seems to have now died an 
unfortunate death. After losing its lawsuit against the ISU 
earlier this year, it has announced that it is closing its doors 
with a statement on its web site (  
that "in the near future, documents will be filed to dissolve the 
WSF". Indeed, it appears that despite all the hype and 
endorsements from prominent skaters and fans it was never 
anything more than a load of hot air and a few legal papers in a 
filing cabinet. Perhaps they should have concentrated on trying 
to organize a skating contest rather than filing what according 
to the judge was a rather silly lawsuit that had little legal 

One can only that their parting comment, that "the organization 
may cease to exist but the ideals shall continue" turns out to be 
true, and that these ideals are resurrected by another group of 
people with more success in the future. Otherwise, the future for 
figure skating looks so dim you'll need night vision goggles.


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