TTTTT H H EEEEE
T H H E
T HHHHH EEEEE
T H H E
T H H EEEEE
PPPP OOOO RRRR TTTTT L A N N DDDD I A N N TM
P P O O R R T L A A NN N D D I A A NN N
PPPP O O RRRR T L AAAAA N N N D D I AAAAA N N N
P O O R R T L A A N NN D D I A A N NN
P OOOO R R T LLLLL A A N N DDDD I A A N N
The Portlandian, the Internet's premier source of Tonya News
November 12, 2005 Edition - ANNUAL BIRTHDAY ISSUE
(C) 2005 Portland Ice Skating Society
It's that time of year again! We hope that Tonya skates through
her birthday and does a triple axel over any obstacles that come
her way in the future!
CHILLIN' WITH TONYA
Last time we checked in on Tonya she was on her way to the
Chiller Theatre convention in New Jersey. Chiller is a large fan
convention with a mainly horror & sci-fi theme. We're pleased to
report that this was not only a success but so much of a success
that Tonya returned to Chiller a couple of weeks ago for their
You can see photos from both these appearances on Charlie Main's
More photos of the earlier session can be found at:
And the second appearance:
More pictures may come available at:
if you keep an eye out over the next week or two.
TONYA CLOBBERS HILTON AT "MISSISSIPPI MASSACRE".
Tonya's next fight, in Jackson Mississipi went without a hitch.
Her opponent was initially planned to be a relatively unknown
fighter called Jessica McLung, who was making her pro debut, but
this was changed to Doreen Hilton (hey, at least it's not Paris
Hilton) of Denver. Hilton's record before this fight stood at 2
fights, both of which she lost. About her last fight in March,
newmexicoboxing.com wrote "local fave Monica Lovato (3-1, 1 KO)
made short work of pro debuter Doreen Hilton (0-1) stopping her
by TKO at 1:52 of the first round. Hilton was game, but proved
too experienced for Lovato".
Hilton can now add a third loss to her record, with Tonya winning
on a split decision.
The event, billed as the "Mississippi Massacre", also featured
Eric "Butterbean" doing battle with local hero Ray Lunsford. In
addition, there was also a "Jackson's Baddest Man" contest held
in conjunction with the pro bouts. Turnout was disappointing,
with the local newspaper reporting that there were scores of
TONYA IN INDIANA
June saw Tonya meet Hillary Wise of Indianapolis in an exhibition
fight at the Grand Victoria Casino and Resort in Rising Sun,
Ind., with Butterbean acting as her corner man. She fought three
rounds of one and a half minutes each.
Shortly before, a major article about Tonya also appeared in the
Dayton Daily News by Tom Archdeacon. In addition to covering the
various events in her life that we are all familiar with it also
reveals that Tonya has now traded in her old moniker of "Bad
Girl" for "the Energizer".
"I'm not America's Bad Girl any more, but then I never thought I
was a bad person, I just made a lot of bad choices," she said.
"But each time I got off course, I just kept working and found my
way back. That's why I changed my name to The Energizer. Like the
Energizer Bunny, 'cept I can't use that name. So I'm just The
Energizer - I just keep going and going. No matter how many
time's I'm knocked down, I get back up."
Tonya also says that asthma problems and the wrong medication
helped do her in and claims to be getting a handle on the health
"The people who like me see me as a real person, somebody like
them whose life has been on a roller coaster, but was able to
overcome the stupid things they did. And besides, I think people
like to watch two women go at it. I mean when I'm not overweight
I'm kind of cute," she giggled.
PANIC IN DETROIT: OR TONYA & NANCY - THE OPERA
We knew that with such a long drought since the last bit of Tonya
news that the next story to come along would have to be something
really weird to make up for the delay, and here it is.
Elizabeth Searle, who is an instructor at the University of
Southern Maine's Stone Coast creative writing program, and
Abigail Al Doory, grad student in composition at Tufts
University, have written an opera based on the notorious 1994
The opera is scheduled to be performed at Tufts in the spring,
but for those who want an advance preview Searle read her
libretto (that's the lyrics part of an opera, for non-opera fans)
on Oct. 24 at The Enormous Room in Cambridge.
It's not Searle's first use of the Tonya/Nancy incident as
inspiration for her work: earlier she wrote a novella,
"Celebrities in Disgrace", about a weirdo stalking an actress
vying for the Kerrigan role in a TV movie. Planning is currently
under way for this to be made into a short film by Seattle
director Paul Ramsay.
The fact that this project originates from the Boston area, plus
Searle's comment that "the world is full of Tonyas who want to be
Nancys" doesn't give cause for optimism that this will be
sympathetic to Tonya. It also appears that her research has been
limited to the usual media stuff rather than any attempt at doing
primary research to dig up any new angles (she has not contacted
either skater), so it looks like accuracy will take a quick trip
to the bin as well. I don't think we'll be seeing this thing at
the Met or La Scala (which is not a bad thing - Pavarotti as
Shawn Eckardt, anybody?).
Personally, we think that if Tonya's life was to be made into an
opera it should be a rock opera. If we can have "Tommy" we can
certainly have "Tonya".
TONYA IN THE WRONG SORT OF FIGHT
Late October saw more news about a Tonya fight, but unfortunately
not the type we were hoping for.
Various sources such as the AP, CNN, the Oregonian, etc. reported
that police were called to Tonya's house on Sunday 23rd, after an
altercation she had with Christopher Nolan, aged 27, who was
subsequently arrested on various domestic assault related
charges. He pleaded not guilty to fourth-degree assault charges
in Clark County District Court on Monday.
Nolan's name will be familiar to long-time Tonyaphiles; he was
with Tonya when they were pulled over by a forest ranger for
alleged illegal posession of alcohol back in 2002 - a charge that
was subsequently thrown out by a judge with an admonishment to
the prosecutor that it was a waste of the court's time. His exact
relationship to Tonya is not clear; Tonya is quoted as describing
him as her boyfriend, but Nolan says he's just her room-mate.
The local rag the Columbian has more details:
It goes without saying that the media have been giving Tonya a
hard time over this - a recent Inside Edition report was
apparently very negative. Everybody ignores one thing, however:
it was NOLAN, not TONYA, who was arrested. Tonya hasn't been
arrested or charged with anything. She's the victim here, though
you'd scarcely know it from the headlines. And why does this
stuff keep leaking out, when according to Sgt. Craig Hogman,
quoted in "The Columbian", she has the right to have her name
kept confidential? It doesn't say much for the security of the
local police department, which apparently has more leaks than a
TONYA TOPS THE GOOGLE POPS
All this Tonya news has lead to an upsurge in Tonya related
search activity on the Internet, so much so that Tonya actually
made it to the No. 13 spot on Google's most popular search terms
for the last week of October, beating out "Johnny Cash" (the
subject of an upcoming film) and "Saw 2":
This proves one thing: people are still interested in Tonya, even
after all these years. This blows away the claims by the
Tonyaphobes that "nobody's interested in Tonya" and that she
should just disappear.
WEB SITE NEWS
Puppetboy has once again got a new domain name. He's now
Very handy if you can't remember how to spell "trinitrotoluene".
SOME TONYA SKATING VIDEOS ON-LINE
http://www.cruelladekwan.com is, as its name suggests, a Kwan
site, but there are also video clips of other skaters
(http://www.cruelladekwan.com/otherskaters.htm), including Tonya
There are 6 videos including Tonya's 94 Olympics Long Program
(the one she re-skated due to the broken lace), 91 National 3-
axel, and 94 Nationals Long & Short Programs, LP scores and an
The latter is the one where, in between a massive dose of
asthmatic hacking and coughing, Tonya says she "knows who my true
friends really are", a statement that is always cited by
Tonyaphobes as "proof" that Tonya is guilty. It's supposedly
meant to be some kind of deep, dark, coded thank-you message to
Eckardt and his boys for their work in taking care of Nancy, but
it's patently obvious from her comments later on in the interview
that she's actually referring to her fans and sponsors.
There is also footage of Midori Ito in action that's worth a look
Quality is variable - the interview is good, but unfortunately
rapidly-moving stuff like skating jumps don't compress well and
tend to look blurry. If you're studying these for technique
you'll be wasting your time. The sound is also rather hissy (oh
WHY didn't people buy HiFi VCRs for taping this stuff?). Don't
attempt to play the videos "on the fly" - if you're on a dialup
it won't work and on broadband you'll overload the server. Some
of the videos have what sound like Japanese soundtracks.
As an interesting aside, we learn that Tonya's horoscope for that
"A long cherished goal moves within reach. You feel elated! The
outside resources or talents you need are available. Your
leadership skills put you ahead of the pack."
If you've ever wondered whether astrology was a load of bollocks
then this will remove all doubt.
COMPULSORY FIGURES: A VICTORY FOR FREE SPEECH
Several months ago we reported about how the USFSA decided to
charge one of its own, Ted Clarke, with improper behavior over
his support for the World Skating Federation, a newly-formed
rival body to the ISU, that regrettably went belly-up earlier
But Clarke wasn't the only one to be dealt to by the fascists in
Colorado Springs for having the barefaced audacity to actually
think he lived in a free country where he could speak his mind.
Other grievances were also filed against Jon Jackson and Ron
Pfenning over their role in the WSF's formation. The person who
originally filed the grievances (which was later picked up and
prosecuted by the USFSA itself) is a name that will be familiar
to Tonyaphiles; it's Morry Stillwell, former USFSA President and
a leading architect of anti-Tonya hatred in that organization. It
was Stillwell, for instance, who circulated an e-mail in 1993
alleging without any evidence that Tonya had faked a death threat
against herself to avoid competing in the 1993 regionals in
We've long held the opinion that Stillwell is a complete and
utter wanker; this latest action by him in persecuting these two
guys just confirms this. Plus now we know he's a Speedy
sychophant as well, with no interest in promoting the true
interests of figure skating, which should be to get out of the
corrupt and speedskating-dominated ISU as fast as possible.
But anyway, back to the grievance: The process was the standard
lynch mob routine that will have Tonyaphiles experiencing that
deja-vu feeling. "From the beginning, the USFSA denied various
due process rights to my clients, ignoring many of its own rules
and the protections afforded Mr. Jackson and Mr. Pfenning by the
USOC" said James Nguyen, Jackson and Pfenning's attorney. The
Stillwell grievance continued despite Jackson and Pfenning's
appeal to the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) for an
independent arbitration. According to John Ruger, USOC ombudsman,
this is the first time that a member federation has moved forward
with an internal grievance when an independent USOC-sanctioned
arbitration panel had been requested. A USOC arbitration would
have guaranteed certain due process rights and its arbitrators
would have had no ties to figure skating.
Let's get this straight: Jackson and Pfenning were accused of
acting against the USFSA, depsite the fact that the WSF is a
challenge to the ISU, not the USFSA, and despite the fact the the
USFSA itself has endorsed the principles of the WSF at its annual
conference last year. It used to be that you had to do something
really serious to get accused of that, like, just to take a
totally hypothetical example, try to break a skater's kneecap,
for instance. But today it appears that merely speaking out
against corruption is enough to get you blackballed.
"In establishing the WSF, Ron and I violated no USFSA rules or
bylaws," Jackson stated. "The WSF was a challenge to the ISU
only. It did not affect any member federation in any way."
You'd think with things stacked so heavily against them Jackson &
Pfenning would be goners. Despite this, after hearing evidence,
including live testimony from witnesses for an entire day, the
independent panel ruled overwhelmingly in favor of Jackson and
Pfenning and dismissed all charges. Despite a rigged system that
would do dance judging proud, the USFSA still lost the case. It's
a stunning measure of just what a complete travesty the entire
case, which wasted $200,000 and took 591 days to resolve, was
against these people. And just to cap it off, it seems the USFSA
is going to waste further time and money appealing.
"It is the ultimate hypocrisy that Chuck Foster would actively
seek the endorsement of the WSF in his campaign for President of
the USFSA," said Jackson, "and then turn around and seek to
malign and banish Ron and me. To spend some quarter-of-a-million
dollars for a political payback while simultaneously cutting
funding to US athletes is outrageous."
Nguyen, whose firm handled the case pro-bono because of the
important free-speech isues raised, said "we prevailed because
the facts were so overwhelming in favor of my clients. In the
end, justice prevailed and the voices of Mr. Jackson and Mr.
Pfenning were not silenced."
Ron Pfenning gets the last word: "I am proud of the way Jon and I
stood up for athlete rights. This is a complete vindication of
As for the aforementioned WSF, this seems to have now died an
unfortunate death. After losing its lawsuit against the ISU
earlier this year, it has announced that it is closing its doors
with a statement on its web site (http://www.worldskating.org)
that "in the near future, documents will be filed to dissolve the
WSF". Indeed, it appears that despite all the hype and
endorsements from prominent skaters and fans it was never
anything more than a load of hot air and a few legal papers in a
filing cabinet. Perhaps they should have concentrated on trying
to organize a skating contest rather than filing what according
to the judge was a rather silly lawsuit that had little legal
One can only that their parting comment, that "the organization
may cease to exist but the ideals shall continue" turns out to be
true, and that these ideals are resurrected by another group of
people with more success in the future. Otherwise, the future for
figure skating looks so dim you'll need night vision goggles.
VISIT THESE GREAT TONYA WEB SITES:
PortIce - http://www.geocities.com/portice
Official Tonya site - http://www.therealtonya.com
David House - http://www.tonyaharding.org
Charlie Main - http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/tonya.html
Puppetboy - http://www.tonyaharding.us/tonya/
Valerie Smith - http://www.olywa.net/radu/valerie/LilHam.html
Swan Lake - http://members.tripod.com/~TonyaHarding/index.html
Blades of Gold - http://members.tripod.com/tmhfan/index.html
Back to Portlandian index
Back to PortIce Home Page
This page hosted by
Get your own Free Home Page