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P   P O    O R   R   T   L      A A  NN  N D   D I  A A  NN  N
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All the Tonya news that's unfit to print - which is why we put it
on the Internet instead

July 7, 1997 Edition 
(C) 1997 Portland Ice Skating Society

Lots of bits and pieces today. Firstly:


As regular readers will know, for the past few issues we have 
added to the list of newsgroups we 
post to in addition to the traditional alt.skate.figure and There has been some 
concern that by cross posting this newsletter to rssif there may 
be a danger that some of the porn and other abuse that is often 
found in afthwww may leak into rssif. On the other hand, posting 
three separate copies, one to each group, would be wasteful of 
bandwidth. We have therefore decided on a compromise solution of 
doing two postings, one posting to the alt.* groups and another 
to rssif, which we feel will eliminate the problem of unwanted 
cross posting while being less wasteful of Internet resources 
than three separate postings of the same material.

Of course, if you WANT to cross post a reply, you must now 
remember to add the other groups to the header.


We have also been contacted by someone who sounds like they know 
what they're talking about (as they work at the University of 
Connecticut Health Center) to inform us that contrary to what 
Tonya thinks, it is possible for two positive parents to have a 
negative blood type child (the chances are 1 in 4). So it sounds 
like Tonya's up the pole on that score. Much as she might like 
to, she can't ditch LaVona that easily.


A few days ago marked the 3rd anniversary of the disgraceful 
banning for life of Tonya from Eligible skating competition.

Compare this to what will probably happen to Mike Tyson, 
convicted rapist and now ear-biter. The boxing authorities are 
conducting a hearing (yes, I know, it's a weak joke) into the 
incident, but my money is NOT on a ban for life being the 

Now to be sure, there is a fundamental difference between boxing 
and figure skating in that beating the crap out of your opponent 
is the whole name of the game with boxing. Nevertheless, ear 
biting isn't exactly Marquis of Queensbury rules (actually it's 
more like Marquis De Sade rules). And Tyson's offense was seen 
by millions of TV viewers around the globe, so there's no 
argument about whether he's guilty, unlike the feeble evidence 
against Tonya. But of course, there's one big difference between 
Tonya & Tyson that will probably tip things in his favor - he's 
a MAN. And in the world of triple axels & double standards, that 
makes all the difference.


"American Skating World" of April 1997 recently contained an 
article on Tonya's Reno comeback. It was written Patty Staunton, 
a long time Tonya fan. Although the article doesn't really add 
alot to what has already been reported here and in the 
newswires, there are a couple of things that stand out: firstly, 
the place was absolutely PACKED - standing room only, and 
secondly that there was so much cheering that it's a wonder 
Tonya could hear the music. Certainly a different impression 
from the other media reports which concentrated exclusively on 
the handful of losers causing disruption and throwing batons and 
the like onto the ice.

There were also reporters from German and Taiwanese TV on the 
scene, as well as the publicist of a certain famous skater from 
the Stoneham, Massachusetts area.


June has seen upgrades of all the Tonya Web sites; Jim Maxey has 
now converted his site at into a 
full blown webconference facility. Note that this is a PRO-TONYA 
site, so if you want to leave a message slagging off at Tonya 
don't waste your time coz it'll just get erased (as indeed will 
anything else that Jim doesn't like, including your access if 
you really piss him off).

David House has not been idle, either. His site at now also 
contains a guestbook where people can leave comments (both pro 
and con), plus a page giving details of Tonya's one and only 
acting attempt in the low-budget action movie "Breakaway". David 
has also told us that he's going to Portland next week so he may 
have more news when he gets back.

Puppetboy has corrected a fault in his page at that 
caused it to be an unreadable color combination on some 


We're a bit short on Tonya news at present, so we thought we'd 
fill up some of this issue by digging up some sleaze on another 

1995 US champion Nicole Bobek has delighted audiences with her 
portrayal of little Clara in "Nutcracker on Ice". But recently a 
much more raunchier R-rated side to Nicole was exposed to public 
gaze according rumors posted on "". 
It appears that after a Tour of Champions gig in Birmingham, 
Alabama, Nicole went to a bar where was (shock! horror!) seen 
smoking, drinking and dancing!!! (it's appalling that people do 
such things in bars). She then, according to this source, was 
seen make sexually suggestive gestures with the leg of an 
upturned bar stool.

None of this is intended to be critical of Nicole; after all, we 
here at the "Portlandian" are dedicated to trashing the boring 
little girl in a pretty box stereotype - that's why we love 
Tonya so; and while as bar stool blow jobs may be in appallingly 
bad taste they're generally not harmful (unlike drinking and 
then crashing your car at 100mph like a certain other skater did 
about six months ago). But it does for us indicate once again 
the double standard that applies against Tonya. Several people 
went on about how reporting this act of public exhibitionism was 
an invasion of Nicole's "privacy"; one wonders if these people 
were similarly outraged by the release of Tonya's so-called 
"Wedding Night" video, surely a much bigger invasion of privacy.

I personally hope that Nicole will one do something that will 
shock and outrage the skating community even more - skate with 


This month has seen the 50th anniversary of the notorious 
"Roswell incident", in which an alleged alien spacecraft crash 
in the New Mexico desert was supposedly covered up by a US 
government conspiracy. Needless to say this has brought all the 
conspiracy cranks out of hiding, and as we all know Tonya tends 
to be a wacko magnet, so I thought that this issue we would 
focus on some of the wierder Tonya conspiracy theories that are 
out there. For instance, some of you may have heard that one guy 
has written a book entitled "The Black Stone" in which he 
postulates a theory that Tonya is in fact the reincarnation of 
Lee Harvey Oswald. Some of the "evidence" cited in favor of this 
theory includes:

- both Tonya and Oswald both have names that start with HAR...
- both the victims were of Irish Catholic extraction whose 
surnames began with KE...

and more of the same rubbish. One wonders whether he's aware of 
the fact that Jeff Gillooly once apparently worked in a school 
book depository! That should have been a tip off to Tonya for a 
start that she was in for trouble with him!

Of course, there is one aspect in which Tonya and Oswald are 
similar: both of them were used as patsies by much bigger 
interests. For another somewhat off-the-wall conspiracy theory, 
try: - the 
guy gets his facts wrong and it once again reiterates the myth 
that Tonya has made heaps of money out of the scandal, but it 
can't be denied that the networks and the Olympic hierarchy 
exploited the scandal for all it was worth even if they didn't 
create it.

Along similar lines, Nicholas Martorelli has written an 
interesting Tonya science fiction story. Although he's only 13, 
it's better written than alot of the so called "adult" Tonya 
"literature" out there and can be found at:


Try - they have about 14 or so tapes 
featuring Tonya (and indeed a large supply of other figure 
skating tapes). Some of these are even available in PAL for 
those living in places like Europe, New Zealand, South Africa, 

The bad news is that they DON'T have Tonya's 1991 Nationals 
performance in which she first landed the triple axel. And there 
is a $US15 surcharge for the PAL stuff. If you're a foreigner 
who wants to get hold of heaps of Tonya tapes it may be cheaper 
to buy a multi-system VCR instead! At least it's a change from 
that OTHER vastly overrated non-skating tape of Tonya's that 
seems to get all the attention.


Over the next few months, the offices of "The Portlandian" will 
be relocating to another city. This may cause disruption to our 
already irregular publication schedule for the next two - three 
months (for instance, this account will cease to operate from 
late Thursday, US time). The staff of "The Portlandian" thank 
all our readers for their loyal support over the past few months 
we've been going and hope to back on line (with a new account) 
in the not too distant future.

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